the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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