You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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