I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
