Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
