hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
