after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
