I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
