Having a random hookup so left but love u
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
