the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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