lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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