no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
