Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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