This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
