My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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