Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize