The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
