why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
