I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
