after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
