worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
