I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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