So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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