I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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