Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is glitter all over my balls
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