I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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