I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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