I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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