It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
