he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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