I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
