My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
