We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
