This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
