My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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