My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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