haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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