the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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