It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
