Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sober January is a disaster.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize