Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
