I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
