We won't sleep together?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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