I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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