i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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