He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
