Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
