I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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