How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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