i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
