Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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