the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
