drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
