I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
