god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
