That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
