I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
