C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have tasted many bathrooms
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