Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize