the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
