He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
