At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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