my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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