so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
