i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
