Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize