Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
