its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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