if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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