i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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