Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize