The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
