so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
