She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize