we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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