I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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