I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
