the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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