I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will be naked everywhere
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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