i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
