people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
