I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
