if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
