Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
