I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
