he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
