Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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