It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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