There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
