Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
