I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
