I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
