What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if only i could text you this smell
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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