Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
