I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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