Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
