It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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