So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
