That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
