RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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