So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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