I heard we made out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
