u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dear god my vagina.
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