I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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